Ok, I've had it with people using their brain diseases as a crutch to lean on or as an excuse not to try to function normally in society. I'm tired of hearing 'I can't because I have a brain disease.' GET OVER IT!!! If you've read my previous posts, you know that I am a severe rapid cycling bipolar. Meds help, but not much, yet I am able to go to class every day and have a 3.98 GPA. (For those of you who don't know, that's a A.) I used the 'I can't because I'm bipolar' excuse from the time I was diagnosed until about 2 years ago. Then my therapist told me something that really pissed me off. She said 'Sarah, get over it. Stop hiding behind it. Use it to step on to get to the next level.' So I did. It was hard. REALLY hard, but I did. Now I use it in the opposite way. I say things like 'I'm more creative than others because I'm bipolar' or 'I see the world in a more unique way because I'm bipolar'. Poeple have got to stop using their illness for reasons why they can't and start using them for why they can. All it takes is a change in your outlook. The cup is half empty to the cup is half full.

Tags: Disease

5 comments View Entry

Ok, my mom is my financial guardian because before I got a better handle on my bipolar my spending habits were bad, to say the least. Over the past few months, I've been asking her to let me take over the reins. She refuses on the basis that I still have mild manic episodes and am not completely financially responsible. Ok, score: Mom 1 - Sarah 0. BUT: Twice in the past year she has forgotten to pay my car insurance. The first time there was no lapse of coverage, so no harm done. The last time there was a lapse of coverage and they sent her paperwork to be filled out by July 1st and guess what?!?!?! She forgot to do the paperwork!!!! What do I do? Do I insist on doing my own finances so that if they get screwed up at least it's me that's doing it, or do I keep letting her ruin my credit?

Tags: Finance Guardians

3 comments View Entry

Ok, I understand depression, I have severe bipolar depression that is untreatable with meds. I know what it feels like to not want to get out of bed and to feel like there isn't anything in the world worth getting up and getting dressed for. I do. I've been there, but I don't let myself stay there and I don't understand why anyone else would either. It doesn't feel good. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't like to not feel good. I don't like to wallow when I'm not well. I just don't see any point in it. It doesn't accomplish anything except making me and those around me miserable.

Don't just let yourself stay depressed, fight. You are not a slave to your depression! I've said it a million times and I'll say it again, your mind is a powerful thing make it work for you instead of letting it work against you. I see all these blogs from people who are depressed and I write over and over again about self talk. Tell yourself you are in control. You control the dis ease, not the other way around! Try it. All you have to do is say something like "I am choosing to take control." or "I control my depression, my depression does not control me." Say it with authority. Demand respect from your depression. Yes, you will feel stupid the first few times you say it but just keep saying it. You don't really even need to say it out loud. It works better if you do, but if that's not feasible saying it in your mind works as well. Don't just think it, actually say it in your mind like you're holding a mental convo with your brain.

I know it sounds really, really, really nutty. I thought it did too until I tried it and felt that hint of power that it gave me in a time when I felt like a slave to my feelings. The only catch is that you really have to believe it. It's true whether you believe it or not. Every one holds the power within us. We only have to reach inside and grab it.

Please try it. There are other variations for self esteem and other things if you need it, too. Just google self talk.

**Self talk does NOT replace medication and therapy!!!!! It works in conjunction with it. If you don't have a good therapist, get one!

Tags: Depression Bipolar

2 comments View Entry

My name is Sarah, I am 30 years old. I am bipolar and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), but I don't let the "stigma" of that stop me. I tell EVERYONE I know about it. Not at first though. I tell them after they get to know me and when I do tell them they always say "But you seem so normal!" (All of my friends will gladly tell you I am oddly quirky, but not one of them would have ever fingered me for "acting" like what they thought a person with a "mental illness" would act like.)  At this point I tell them I am normal, I just have a few diseases in my brain that I was born with or that developed due to childhood circumstances that alter my behavior if I don't take medication for them. I explain to them that it's kind of like Diabetes, except in that instead of my endocrine and digestive systems being affected it's my nervous system and neurotransmitters that are affected, etc... (I realize it's a bit more complicated than that and no one really knows exactly what  causes a person to be bipolar, but it gets the point across.) I haven't had anyone that has gotten to know me first, "freak out", if you will, when I told them. Maybe that speaks for the maturity of the people I associate with or maybe it is the way I approach it. I am NOT ashamed and I don't act like it! I don't treat it like it is a shameful secret to be kept. I don't treat it like a big deal. I just kind of say it. I usually bring it up when I talk about why I opted for adoption when I became pregnant. (Another thing I am not ashamed of. I have a beautiful little boy with great parents who take better care of him than I can due to my illness.)   A brain illness is what makes me who I am. It is what makes me uniquely me, along with other things, but you understand where I'm coming from. Give people time to warm up to you before you try to break the "Stigma" if you go at them right away you are just going to confirm to them the "stigma" you're trying to break because the only information you are giving them about yourself is that you have a brain illness and are, therefore, reinforcing the cycle. I learned this lesson the hard way many years ago before NKM2. Ease them into it and they will bring others along for the ride, too. Remember, a drop in a lake makes ripples. It's up to you whether the ripples are positive or negative. Good luck out there!

Tags: Stigma Bipolar BPD Borderline Personality Disorder

2 comments View Entry