seriously, after, serveral months of hearing people talk about their problems at a support group meeting i soon realized, if, they didn't have their illness they wouldn't have alife. this misery gives them something to do, something to give them an identity.

  it was almost like they wanted to hang on to what made them the way they were and they didn't want to let go of it or else it would be like who will i have now to associate with. they needed a common ground to walk on, although they talked like they would like to change, but, that created anxiety.

  then as i started to share my life story with them in detail it was clear their life situations weren't that bad and as i went on to talk about how i got to where i am today, and what i had to over-come and doing it without medication cause i had no clue medication would have helped , they wanted to change their life and do more then gt up do the same things as yesterday and walk through the day with an excuse as to why i act this way and everybody knows and has to accept it for this is who i am.

  i am afraid people with and without a mental illness has no clue how separated their personality is from their character which can lead to serious problems in a person's life. people tend to believe who they are today is the person they were intended to be when they grew up. unfortunately, they are far from the truth and when i put some things into the equation to get them to think about their childhood and compare it to day they soon realized, their life experiences has made them somebody else.

  your personality and your character were really good friends in the first few years of your life. but, as your mind soon realized all the many fascinating things at in the world and what people had to say and the bad and good things and the school of hard knocks, the ups and dones and things you may only know and not want to talk about have caused you to lose contact with your personality.

  so, what might be taking place right now with you, could be the feuding between your personality and your ever changing character. the only way to find out would be to and i'm serious, you have to turn off the tv(put a blanket over it)stop listening to the radio, stop reading magazines and the newspaper, stop listening to bad or nasty talk or gossip, and never say a lie again no matter what. try and be helpful to other  people and compliment other people's work or something they have tried to do. one more thing you cannot assume anything anymore, LIKE WHAT IF, YOUR NOSE SMELLED CHOCOLATE, BUT, YOU ASSUME ITS AN ORANGE, WHAT IF YOU TASTED A APPLE AND THOUGHT IT WAS AN ONION, YET, WE SEE OR WE HEAR A PART OF SOMETHING AND WE ARE SO SMART TO KNOW OR ASSUME. you have to learn to let THE ANSWER come to you. having an open mind is what allowed your mind to tell you its chocolate you smell, its an open mind that allowed you to taste an apple.

  look, we had everything in the right place when we were born, it was all clear and understood as to how things worked. but, along the way you had to go an rearrange things to satisfy what you didn't like and your brain started producing stange chemicals creating what you have today.

  a true story, a mother sits crying and her 10 month old baby comes over to her and puts her head on her mother's leg to comfort her. this baby's mind and brain are working together. what made her do this on her own but? as the child grows and should the mother start talking to her in a way to get the child to wonder about things even an adult may not understand this child will end up confused. now all she need are some bad things to come into her life and she could end up with having mental issues.

  studies have proven that thinking can produce chemicals, so what are you thinking about as you go through each day? what if, for every pill you took a certain brain activity would work the same as the pill. the problem with this has to do with it is much easier to take a pill.

  you may start by creating new habits, compare today to yesterday and this week to last week and month to and year to year should you find nothing is different, to fix most of your problem you may only need to find new things to do or stop doing certain things.(I MOVE THINGS AROUND IN THE KITCEN AND MY BEDROOM TO MAKE ME HAVE TO THINK ABOUT WHERE I PUT IT. ARE YOU LIVING IN A HABITED WORLD FROM THE TIME YOU WAKE UP TO THE TIME YOU GO TO BED. I ALSO TOOK OFF THE REMOTE KEY LOCK TO THE CAR AND WENT BACK TO DOING OTHER THINGS THE OLD WAY, MY FOCUS AND CONCENTRATION HAS GOTTEN MUCH STRONGER AND IT HAS HELPED GETTING ME TO THINK WHICH SOMETIMES CAUSES ME TO FORGET ABOUT MY PROBLEMS. GOOD LUCJ WITH THIS, I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO THE SAME  

Tags: Anxiety Depression Bi-polar Ocd

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 a few years ago i lived out in the country and a private road which ran right in front of the my house. it was nice there were vineyards, fruit trees and open fields, every morning i would get up and go for a run and i would take toby (my dog) along for the exercise the run was about two and a half miles and he seemd to enjoy it.

  somethings changed and i felt it was time to move to the city and now i would have to find a new route to run. moving to the city meant i woud have to leave toby behind besides i didn't he would do well in a back yard. so, i went each morning to find a certain place to run. i am very much into running and having a nice scenic view.

  the morning was very cool a perfect morning for a run and i was taking a different route this morning. i ran down three blocks and made my turn and a nce stretch of road lay ahead of me. as i pasted the a house in the middle of the block i heard what sounded like a screen door being slammed open against the house and i turned around to see two pitbull dogs coming and they looked hungry.

  what was i going to do? i couldn't out run them they were too fast and they would get me from behind. there wasn't any cars or anything to go get on and escape what was about to take place.

  it reminds me of the time i had jst got off work and it was dark and driving down the country road i saw something running up ahead. it was a dog and as i pulled up along side of it, it was a pitbull dog. so, i stopped and opened the door and the dog came up to the door. the head on this dog was twice the size of his body and he had no ears it looked like they had been chewed off.

  strange as it may sound there wasn't anything running through my mind when i saw those two gods coming to get me. i stood my ground and the fight was on. when people recall things like this and scounds seem like minute and minutes seem like hours, this was one of those moments.

  one gog ran past me as the other one junpmed for at that moment i stepped to the side and pulled my arm bacvk and hit it side the head and it went rolling and i did it again and again and again.i knew this wasn't hurting the dog and had to do something like kill it.

  it was at that moment i prepared for what i had to do again the dog came and i hit and was about to take control of the dog while it was on the ground, when i hear somebody scream and the dogs turned and ran to the owner.

  the owner grabbed the one trying to bite me and pinned it to the ground. i petted both dog and said. this is what they do and went back to my run. as i got back into my run i realized my heart had actually slowled down and through the whole thing i wasn't worried or scared or had any fear in me. i was calm through the whole thing.

  when i got back home it was then i realized how bad it could have been and i knew something wasn't right in my head. this i have had since the drowning. that was three years ago and today i hav learned how to create afeeling associate my attitude in place of fear.    

Tags: Fear Dogs

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 in 1998 or 1999 i was watching the news talk about the forest fires and short time after an image appeared in my head. it was the image of a very large airship 1200' in length with a small jet engine to help power the ship for speed and to act as a water pump.

 with it drawn out on paper in detail i took it to a friend who was a LA city fire fighter , but, had quit to start a commercial sprinkler system installer for businesses to bring them up to fire codes. when i showed him the design you should hav seen the look on his face.

  now what i didn't know was he grew up with a father who designed airplanes for boen, bowen what ever its called. so, Bob knew what it would take to get the airship off the ground and what would be needed to blast water from the airship. he also, knew alot about fighting forest fire due to having a friend who was the first to jump on to the sight. he was the perfect guy to tell me yes or no on the idea.

 so, since he gave me a yes, i knew what i had to do next for i didn't have the money to make it come to life and the forestry needed it right now. i decided to turn it over to the forestry department. i contacted four different research centers place where they try to find new waus to fight forest fires. i never got a call or anything to show they were interested.

  if, you go on line to fire chief magazine and search airship you will find "THE GREATEST FIREFIGHTING INVENTION IN 30 YEARS"  now this burns me a  company in los angelos created their version in 2001 and it has yet to see a fire. MY FREAKING QUESTION IS "WHO IS PUTTING THE STOP ON THIS? SOMETHING ISN'T MAKING SENSE. THERE ARE SO MANY WAYS TO 100S OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS

  SINCE 1999 HOW MANY 100S OF MILLIONS HAVE WE LOST TO FOREST FIRES IN CALIFORNIA ALONE.

Tags: Ignorance Stupitdity Careless

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 i will go out and make some contacts with people about i having mental illness, oh, wait, this is something i have already done. when i finally decided to share what i have lived with all my life and how certain things affect me. you should have seen the look on their faces and i mean at work and relatives on my wife's side of the family.

  but, you know what it didn't last long due to i not giving them any impressions i was any different now then i was before. the deeper i took them into my darkest parts of my mind the more they realized that i could do anything they could and maybe a little better.

  on the other hand had i been able to recognize fear and humiliation towards myself or do what most people do an assume something from a look or what was that which is something i have never done.

  throughout my life i have tried and failed at many things such as school and work, but, i never had a clue i was mentally challenged. i have read articles on people who weren't as challenged, only difference was that they knew they were and hated it. sad to say they lived with problems their whole life, they were so wrapped up in having condition and being different they had failed to recognize what they needed to do to get better.

  i hope someday there will be a new breed of therapist who are not afraid to make somebody better, or take a risk and try something new. i know to many people who hate being on medication and who are on their third or fourth psychiatrist.

  too many of these people believed they could read other people's mind, they knew what somebody was thinking by the look on that person's face. i asked them, shouldn't you have asked that person a question instead of assuming. don't go believing something unless you have the facts straight and know first hand. i went on and asked them, have you ever used your illness as a crutch to get away with something and slowly over the next few meetings they started to open up and admit they had used their mental illness as acrutch.

  how can we expect to erase the stigma, if, we are going to hide and be afraid to ask questions and we need to show people that we can do anything. i never pass up on an oppurtunity which will put me in front of other people, i am not afraid to face being humiliated or made fun of for eventually i will shine and they will still be who they are and i will have gotten better how else could i have made it this far in life.

  nobody ever told me i was mentally retarded growing up or helped me to do better with things as a kid. my mind could only focus on what was in front of me and i couldn't relate to anything going on around me. yet, as i look back on my childhood and most of my adult life it was clear to see i faced being humiliated by doing something without knowing if i could it or couldn't do it. there is no such thing as making a mistake or doing something wrong, its a matter of one's perception to what they believe.

  you want my secret, do not spit your thoughts, think and focus on what you are doing, meaning one thing at a time, forget what is going on around you, apply yourself with an open mind and the most important thing of all have fun with everything you do, meaning enjoy what you are doing. remember all things came to life from somebody's imagination, so nothing in this world is perfect or nobody has it all figured out and i have proved this many times. success comes to those who are willing to explore all things with their imagination.

  i cannot think of anything on the face of this planet i would have a problem with understanding and accepting, for all things came from somebody's ability to create with their imagination, so, for a person to believe they are different or beneath somebody else, only needs to apply their imagination and create what they believe is correct and will soon be on their way. without failure there can be no success, if, this were not so, the word PROGRESS wouldn't be in our dictionary.

Tags: Mental Illness Stigma

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