I got an interview. An interview is the closest I have been to a job in four months. I can go back to work if I can just get through this interview. Wish me luck.

I am so very impressed with Joey P. Dude, going to Iraq and talking to those soldiers...what a wonderful person.

My roses are still blooming. I may post some pictures for all to see. It has taken up some time...these four months. I actually have to go outside to care for them...theropy.

I feel okay, I'm just nervous. I wasn't nervous at all until everyone I knew started telling me not to be. Funny how that works. It's like telling someone not to feel sorry for themselves...sometimes you are the only one who feels sorry...it isn't counter-productive...it's intuitive.

In fact, whenever you are feeling sorry, have yourself a nice long cry...a pitty-party as my Mother used to say. Then when you are all cried out, then and only then, think about how you can be better. This is how I do it. I accept the panic attack or episode or nervous feelings...I let them run through me and do all the damage they want to...then I breathe. Since I am always still breathing...I must be okay...there must not be too much damage. This is how I recover. The feelings may be extreme but they are still legitamite feelings. Drugs will make them less intense, and if I had medication I would take it. Just don't be ashamed of having feelings. Sorrow is real, and it is a feeling...not a monster. It doesn't make one "crazy" or "unbalanced" to have emotions.

Plus, remember, happy is there. You can have happy. It will come. Keep reaching for it. Recovery and happy are possible...believe it.