Great writing keep going, it's very informative.

            &nb sp;                         &nb sp;                   JOE

Hey Sandy,

I just wanted to let you know that I read your message and I have checked out your blog. I'm glad you told your story in your own blog, as I think a lot of people here can relate (as you've probably figured out). :)

Keep on fighting. If Joey can get better, so can you. Have a great day!

Hey Girlie Girl, Haven't heard from you in a while. MO

 thank you for the comment. my intention is to bring about an awareness which i believe people(anybody) living with or without a mental illness can go their whole and die and not know the ability the brain has to heal itself.

  how is it possible for me to have new feelings or be able to relate to other people in ways i never knew anything about which is something we learn or know about even as children simple due to it being progamed which is normal function to being human.

  parts of my brain has started to produce chemicals which i know i created by making or forcing my brain to do something by what i created in my mind. i thought when a certain part of the brain failed to work and being 40 years later, it shouldn't work not possible, can't be, there is no way, but, i love telling doctors what is going on in my head and what i can feel today.

  i have  learned to identify a new feeling and when it happens i do the opposite of what my mind or feeling tells me, such things as when somebody ask to do something or i get a thought to do something and i don't feel like doing that-i will say to myself wrong answer, i am doing that and i will move forward and do it and i will have fun with it.

  i was sitting on the couch one day and family members walking by and i thought to myself, it has to be the medication, i don't feel like doing anything or saying anything or showing any feelings to wards anybody and i feel pretty good. but, i'm not doing anything mentall or physically, it was at that point i decide to stop my meds and do something different with my life. so, i took back my life.

  that five years ago, i would rather fight the demons in my head then be disconnected from my family and society and the beautful things in the world.

  another possiblity for my success could autistic savant. after, the drowning images would appear in my head to help me understand things. age, seven i see something in my head which will left a saddle, as i look back on it, it was a crude device for buliding a pulley system. where did that come from? age 39, an image pops into my head and so i google it and learned it was patented and built in the late 1800s, it was a self-contained steam engine. have never explored or being thinking about steam engines. it was really cool it would boil water, make steam, then it would go through condensor(i saw those in the image, only i didn"t know what they were for)to turn the steam back into water to be used again.

 i have predicted peoples death, created inventions and see somebody else bring them to life, and i feeling about what is going on with somebody when i am around them for a while and all of a sudden i will speak up and make a comment unknowing where it came from. there are 43 years of things i can't explain or know where it comes from. maybe, that is how i leave psychologists puzzled. all i can say life is fun and full of things to explore. by   

WOW, i just checked out your website.  You've totally hipped me to something i always thought was just a quirk of my personality. NO KIDDING...ME TOO! i NEVER knew, much less EVER told anyone about it. The pervasive feeling since the the horrors of 04' are that i am actually disappearing, just frikken fading away. i've even engaged in lite shoplifting sometimes just to prove the point to myself (of course, i never get caught, no one can see me!) that i AM becoming invisible. Man, San! Thankyou for opening my eyes.

As i read your descriptions in your excellent website, i saw so many similarities- the trancing out-organizing the toys, and the sense of part of me just flying away. Never, ever, did i attibute it to anything but being a space cadet. i know about dissociation, but never really researched any of it, as it bore no real association to me and what all i've experienced.

Thank You! Thank You! Dear one for opening my eyes. Since most of my experience with psychiatrists consists of about five minutes at a clip (you get what you pay for, and when ya can't pay anything, you get five minutes and whatever they're being subsidized to hand out that week. It isn't as if i don't want to take the drugs- i just want somebody to act as if they're actually engaged in my care-just to basically give a shit. To follow up, reach out and treat me as if i'm not just another crazy-or, worse yet invisible. Thank you so, so much for your candor, and insight (i'll bet you'd be a much better clinician than your mom ever could have hoped to be) Too many of them are too much like your mom, shoveling shit from one end of the room and out the other. now, i gotta ask, when you performed, did yu have a weird sense of lightness before you went on, not like stage fright or butterflies; but instead an incredible calm- like you knew you could nail it without a problem. People always remarked on my tremendous calm before going out onstage- like it didn't phase me. (little did they know; i wasn't really there) i was someplace up in the catwalk, observing. Maybe thats why i eschued performing for the intricacies of backstage.

Your website ROCKS! (PS i'll bet you have a wandering eye and are farsighted, too) MO