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Viewing 1 - 6 out of 6 Blogs.
Today I had a session with my therapist. I have chronic depression(along with a few other things) and I've been going to her a long time. She helps alot and I look forward to seeing her. Today I was weirdly fragmented in thought. It's happened before. It's just a strange place. I loose my train of thought... Can't complete a sentence. Just can't come up with the word for whatever it was I was thinking which either zoomed in and out of my head so fast I can't remember what I was thinking or it just self aborted and never fully formed and is now just a whiff. If I remember where I was going with the conversation, I know that my mouth was moving, saying something outloud; talking about something... If I loose the whole thing, I'm sitting there and I feel like my mouth was moving.... wasn't it? But what about? No clue. patchwork
Tags: Depression Side Effects
How many synapse are there in the human brain? I don't know - I'm not a brain specialist. I had to get my dictionary out just to see how to spell the word. But isn't it a bit like asking how many stars are in the sky? Things die, things move, or get moved, outside elements effect it, external pressures make things explode, parts shine, other parts fade away, there are lots of things we can't explain.... Am I talking about the sky or the brain? They are alot alike. There's no map. All things do not apply equally across the continuum (had to look that one up too). What holds true for me, may not hold true for you. Does that make me wrong or is it that you are wrong. Hell, we both could be wrong. More likely we both are right. And that is called empathy.
Tags: Stigma Bullying Mental
My Father: work-aholic; On his family side: domestic abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, depression My Mother: (In denial) - food and alcoholic, chronic depression, dark moods, Sundowners (evening dementia); On her family side: domestic abuse, ramped alcoholism, 2 suicides My older sister: chronic depression, agora-phobia (sp?), panic attacks, recovering alcoholic/drug user. Her daughter: chronic fabricator of her situation, food-aholic Me: chronic depression, panic attacks, situational anxiety, non-military PTSD, recovering alcoholic My younger sister: depression; Her son: teenage depression My youngest sister: Mild panic attacks, control-aholic; Her daughter: depression and dark moods Some of us admit to our dis-ease and are in therapy, some of us are not and some do not. We live with a mixed bag of internal support to tearful withdrawel. We sometimes speak openly about everyones dis-ease and sometimes we quietly dread the future. Through it all we hug! patchwork
Tags: Family Mental Dis-ease
Well, if you can find this inbetween all the....shall I say "Stuff". I thank you. The other afternoon my father asked me to join him and my mother for dinner. My panic button immediatly went off. Now part of the back story to this is: I share a house with my parents where I have seperate living quarters and a door (which I had put in) that protects me when needed. Most of the time. Usually. One of the effects of my depression, besides the panic attacks, anxiety.......etc, is I'm light and sound sensitive. Very light and sound sensitive. Places like O'Charley's and Applebee's are sensory overload to me. I'd rather you scrape your nails down a chalk board. Twice. How long have I had this? 10 years - How long have we lived together? 10 years. Now I know Dad's invitation is meant as his gift, it's a gift that we have discussed many, many times. So when he asked this last time and the idea hit my button, it was all I could do to say, "I'll let you know later." Then I laid down on my bed hugging a pillow and cried. Later I reminded Dad (again) of my condition - Now this is my Issue! "I thought you might change you mind", he says. CHANGE MY MIND? Silly dad. Do you ask a recovering alcoholic if they can drink yet? Do you ask someone with a broken back if they can lift boulders yet? My first reaction was to be mad and scream, "Have you not heard what I've told you?" I find it very frustrating (among other things) to have to repeat this senerio. And why do I, the mentally diseased, have to keep explaining to the mentally eased, what my limits are. If I can remember what I can't do, why can't they. I know that most people have an autopilot reflex (or is it reflux) to try and "fix" someone's problems. Especially fathers but, geez. For the energy it took me to recover from the invitation and the discussion we could have shared several nice take-home meals from what-ever the restuarant. So that leaves me and many others too, trying to handle not only my limits and foibles but my family's and other "Fixers" as well. Don't Fix, Just Listen. patchwork Don't fix, just listen!
Tags: Panic Understanding
When my world gets too heavy I touch the trees I look to the sun Stand facing the breeze. When I feel that I’m lost I sit in the grass I sit very still Let the world pass. When things start to push me I look to the sky I soak in the blue Watch clouds passing by. When I feel I’ve been wounded I walk in the night I look for the moon Count stars shining bright. When I open my world to Things such as these I feel very blessed When I touch the trees. Patchwork
Tags: Poem Peace
I'm not much on joining things, the effort causes much anxiety, but I am all for talking about this hard life we've made for ourselves and the damages it creates. There is great comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Tags: New
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