JOEY'S PAGE

A LETTER I RECEIVED FROM AN NKM2 DOCUMENTARY VIEWER

April 13, 2009

Dear Joey,  

Thank you for allowing Danika the privilege of borrowing your documentary "No Kidding, Me2!" She asked me if I would be interested in watching it with her because she is aware of the history of mental disease in my family.  I was intrigued right from the beginning and you kept the entire program going beautifully.  You helped me begin to question my sad and unstable childhood.  As an adult I had made a conscious effort not to discuss my upbringing out of respect for my parents, but now I wonder if it was because of the stigma attached to mental illness.  I think for me to grow and heal I need to start talking, and your documentary helped reinforce how wrong it is to hide in shame. It is way past time to remove the stigma attached to mental diseases.   

My father was emotionally abusive to his wife (my mom), my older sister and brother, and myself.  He was insidious and I truly didn't understand the extent of his abuse until recently.  I know that everyone has a story, but maybe mine will help someone else who is suffering.

In the late 70's I was a freshman in high school and my brother David was a sophomore.   David was always volatile and getting into trouble with my father, who repeatedly tried to 'break him down.' One day he had what I know now was a psychotic breakthrough. He was in gym class and started running around the track, unable to stop until the ambulance was called. We lived in Brazil at the time (my dad was a high ranking hydro-electric engineer) and my parents decided to send my brother to a boarding school in the United States.  Until this could be arranged they put me in charge of my brother. I was a 14 year old girl who was responsible for a manic-depressive, paranoid schizophrenia, bi-polar - the 'labels' were always changing- boy of 15.  I was constantly pulling him off the balcony, helping him take his baths and squashing the spiders that were coming out of the faucet trying to attack him, rocking him at night while he had night terrors.  My brother would be sent off somewhere only to return home because the schools couldn't deal with him.  My parents would oftentimes be off traveling and leave me in charge of my brother. This continued for 5 years. My stories could go and on.

I have always been able to keep my head up and never suffered from depression. I've gone through some very serious life altering experiences as an adult, one of the worst was my young daughter developing leukemia and dying at the age of 7. I realize now that I've been lucky not to get that mental disease gene. Any single event would have caused me to have a mental break, but I've been able to keep strong and really enjoy life, and for that I am thankful for each and every day.

But this is where your documentary startled the crap out of me. My FATHER had to have been affected by a mental disease.  When your daughter told the story about you throwing out items from food to library books I literally got goose bumps. That is exactly what my dad would do. And when your wife mentioned the bell that would go off to warn them you were home and they would all scramble around - that was my life. Your family was discussing my life! I had lived with a parent with a mental disease! I didn't know it until I saw your documentary! That is an eye opener. It explains so much of my life.  I am so grateful your daughters and wife had the courage to tell their story. It could not have been easy. Please thank them for me and for all the other people like me who they have helped by speaking up.    

Unfortunately, my family's story doesn't have a happy ending:

• My dad died at age 88 with severe Parkinson's and he was abusive till the day he died, alienating most of their friends and keeping my mom in seclusion.  Despite this, my mother continues to stand by my dad who was her 'loving' husband for 49 years. To this day she won't admit to any abuse or the horrors of my childhood.

• My brother died of a heart attack at the age of 39; alone in an institution.  With the correct medication he was able to have about 10 good adult years, but to even get to that point was a nightmare.  I continue to feel guilty that I wasn't knowledgeable enough to help him and stand by him.

• My son, who at a young age lost his sister to leukemia and his dad to heart disease, suffers from occasional panic attacks. When he was in High School I arranged to have him home tutored during a particular difficult time and receive therapy. I am happy to say he is now thriving and is an honors student at college; his major is Philosophy.

• My sister has had her own battles to deal with, but she is learning how to take care of herself. Thankfully we have always supported each other and it continues through to adult hood.

• As for me, I am one of the lucky ones. My disease is obvious. I suffer from several auto-immune diseases and had two knee replacements a few years ago.  But don't pity me; thankfully mental disease past me by.

You don't need to look very closely at my story to see that mental disease is inherited.  

I wish you the best of luck in your documentary. Please don't stop the good work that you are doing with educating all of us about the disease and the importance of funding for research.  Now I am going to look at my past and help myself and my sister understand what this disease has cost us, because knowledge and education is truly the only way to find a cure.

I also wish you well in your personal battle with this disease and know that you are not alone. You have your fans, but most importantly you have a wonderful family who is standing right by your side and obviously love you.  

Thank you,

Judy Sybert