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Is it my fault or not?
Posted On 06/25/2010 17:34:02 by AlexLove

I have had issues with mental illness for some time. But I always have this aching feeling that I can't give the illness all the credit, that it's something that I've been doing wrong. I've indugled in very little drug use and have no criminal record, but I do have a terrible work record and dropped out of school repeatedly (when I had a 4.0 GPA) for reasons I don't really understand. Now I'm afraid I've ruined my chances of ever going back and I'll never have a fulfilling career or--God I want it so bad--a GOOD life. The thought of no future--as well as the fear of losing my mind--has made me suicidal at times--a feeling that is taking an eternity to get over. God, I don't want to be some "weird", "peculiar", "unstable", "not normal" mentally ill person for the rest of my life, not having a good career, a wonderful spouse, and a beautiful family that I love unconditionally.

    I also have a lot of fears based on stereotypes of what it means to be mentally ill. That you can't be a real adult if you're mentally ill. That you can't be a real MAN if you're mentally ill (a terrible stereotype, I know). That you can't be "cool" if you're mentally ill. That you can't even be sexy if you're mentally ill. That you can't be a leader if you're mentally ill. I think I need help working on this. But what I need help with most of all is hope.



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Viewing 1 - 3 out of 3 Comments

From: Puddles
08/15/2010 16:45:06

You post hits a nerve with me. I know exactly what your going through on this one except about the being a man part lol. I think this is exactly what this site is about tho. Getting rid of the bad stigma towards mental dis ease. This stigma is not only projected from the poeple who dont understand us but it effects us negitivley as well. It is these stereo types thrown out by bad stigma that cause so many people with any mental illness to feel ahsamed. It's really tough to rise above it. You should read some of my blogs some time, you may at the very least feel as tho your not alone, and sometimes thats a bigger peice of hope than one might think. Take care and keep up the good fight. The world will be a better place for all of us someday.



From: STAGEPROMO
06/26/2010 18:28:00

Dude, its about as much your fault as it is mine for having a brown fleck in one eye (which i'm blind in)


Fault and blame are the most highly overused useless words in the english language. They serve no purpose whatsoever.


its bad enuf to be stuck with what yer stuck with but don't blame yourself for it.


4.0? you have not completely destroyed your life, you still got a chance. i've battled depression for most of my life-yet i don't feel stigmatized by it. if someone else wants to blame me for having this dis ease then thats their problem not mine.


Don't blame yourself. Now, come on over here and let MOma give ya a hug ((((())))! MO

From: allmychildren
06/26/2010 15:39:41

Is it your fault ? Yes and/or no !   I used a negative word. - - Hope is a possitive word. You ended your blog with a possitive word. That's a good thing. - - I read your 6-24-10 comment on the 6-22-10 blog of sld12day. It was 95% possitive ! (only 1 d-word) It's very difficult to use positive words 100% of the time. You can't ! I know I can"t . I try sometimes though. Here are some of the words you used in your blog #1. - - can't (6 times) don't ( 2 times ) no (2) not (2) and never (1) - - But you got the point across ! I will send you a friend request. Feel free to send me a message, hopefully possitive. - or not. MK  

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