i was diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 16. that was a year after i started using drugs and alcohol. interestingly, at least to me, is that i had feelings of self hatred and loathing at the age of 10. every psyciatrist or therapist i've worked with dismissed my feelings at a young age but would rather address the substance abuse. their rational was and is that depression can not be treated unless there is complete abstinance from anything mind altering. i get their piont but sometimes there are circumstances that warrent drug use. my back is messed up. doctors have told me that it always will be. i've had one surgery and will eventually need another one. i'm prescribed oxycodone and klonopin to blunt the pain and to keep the mucsle spasms under controll. i don't abuse these drugs but i could not live without them. i used to use illicit drugs like heroin and cocaine and marijuana and so on. i don't anymore. i don't dare go to an aa meeting and discuss the prescription drugs because the group will give you an attitude and tell you " you are not sober"! it makes me mad and i say to myself if i am not sober because i take painkillers and muscle relaxers for my back then so be it. i haven't been to an aa meeting in a long time and i'm not missing anything. i was taking celexa for my depression but it stopped working. i'm just as depressed now as i was on celexa. i start with a new psyciatrist in october. maybe there is antidepressent that doesn't work with serotonin because i was told i have "serotonin burnout" whatever that means. i'm frustrated because it seems to me that when doctors attempt to treat depression it seems like the treatments are hit or miss.

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Tags: Self Medication

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