THAT WAS THE STATEMENT I GOT FROM A FELLOW 'SUFFERER'...HE DOES NOTHING TO ALLEVIATE HIS PAIN, BUT INSTEAD FEEDS IT WITH SELF-LOATHING, RECRIMMINATION, AND GUILT.  HE AND HIS WIFE CAME TO VISIT THIS WEEKEND. HE USUALLY COMES ALONE AND WE TALK THINGS OUT AND I'M ABLE TO SHARE INSIGHTS WITH HIM. WE USED TO WORK AS RADIO DJ'S, YEARS AGO. ONE DAY I WENT TO VISIT HIM AND COULD READ THE MISERY ON HIS FACE, BUT SAID NOTHING, AS I MYSELF WAS UNDIAGNOSED AND IGNORANT TO WHAT I WAS SEEING. YEARS WENT BY, AS I ISOLATED AND HID FROM MY SHAME...SOMEHOW, PROBABLY FROM READING, I EMERGED FROM MY SHELL AND STARTED SEARCHING FOR FRIENDS TO SHARE MY EXPERIANCE AND APOLOGIZE FOR MY DISAPPEARANCE. TO MY SUPRISE, AFTER TELLING MY STORY TO THIS FRIEND, HE EXPLAINED THAT HE HAD GONE THROUGH THE SAME THING, HAD QUIT HIS JOB AND, THOUGH MARRIED, TOOK TO HIS HOUSE LIKE A BEAR IN HIBERNATION.

UNLIKE ME, HE WASN'T SEEKING ANY HELP OR ENLIGHTENMENT. I GUESS HE PREFFERED WHAT MOST MEN SEEM TO DO, HOLD IT IN TIL IT KILLS THEM...A SAD SORT OF 'COMFORT-ZONE'....I BEGAN A QUEST TO HELP HIM, AND AT FIRST HE WAS OPEN AND EXCITED ABOUT LIBERATING HIMSELF FROM THE BEAST AND WE TALKED OR E-MAILED EACH OTHER ALMOST DAILY...THAT WAS BACK IN 2001.

I SENT HIM BOOKS, ARTICLES, EVEN MUSIC TO HELP EDUCATE HIM AND EASE HIS PAIN. ALONG THE WAY I NOTICED SOME RESISTENCE DEVELOPING...HE BECAME NEGATIVE AND STARTED TO DEFEND HIS INABILITY TO GROW...IN ESSENCE, YOU COULD SAY HE WAS ENJOYING HIS MISERY AND FEEDING IT, AFRAID TO REALLY DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT...THE PHONE CALLS AND E-MAILS GOT FEWER AND FAR BETWEEN AS HIS RESISTENCE TO CHANGE GREW. WHEN I ASKED HIM HOW HIS WIFE WAS DEALING WITH HIS RAGE AND OTHER SYMPTOMS HE REPLIED THAT SHE JUST IGNORED THEM....NOW HERE'S THE REALLY STRANGE PART OF THE EQUATION; THE GUY IS A MUSICIAN, AND A DAMN GOOD ONE, HE JUST BOUGHT A NEW MOTORCYCLE AND RIDES FREQUENTLY, HE'LL BUCK-UP AND DO SOCIAL FUNCTIONS, IN PART BECAUSE HIS WIFE PUSHES HIM, BUT BECAUSE HE LIVES IN A SMALL TOWN, AND HAS ALL OF HIS LIFE, HIS PRIDE (1 of the 7 deadly sins) KEEPS HIM FROM FINDING HELP...HE'S AFRAID SOMEBODY WILL FIND OUT...TALK ABOUT THE POWER OF STIGMA, THIS GUY'S AFRAID OF THE STIGMA OF STIGMA...YET, HE WILL DO NOTHING TO CHANGE HIS WORLD....HE LIVES IN THE PAST, AND THE FUTURE, NOT IN THE NOW!!!  HIS DIET IS KILLING HIM (all the processed food) HE DRINKS A POT OF COFFEE EVERY MORNING, THEN PACES INSIDE THE HOUSE LIKE A "CAGED LION", YET DOESN'T 'COP' TO THE FACT THAT HE'S WORSENING HIS CONDITION...

WHILE VISITING, HE DISCLOSED THAT HIS CONDITION IS GETTING WORSE AND USED THE "SMALL TOWN PRIDE THING" AS HIS FAMILIAR EXCUSE FOR NOT STARTING OR FINDING A MENS GROUP, CITING THE FAMILIAR "HELL, DAVE, YOU KNOW MOST MEN WON'T ADMIT THAT ANYTHINGS WRONG" TO WHICH I OFFERED TO HELP HIM START AN ONLINE 'MEN WITH DEPRESSION' BLOG. YOU COULD FEEL HIS HESITATION..NO WAY!!

I LOVE THIS GUY AS ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS, HE'S INTELLIGENT, FUNNY, AND HAS SO MUCH TO OFFER. MY QUESTION IS, WHAT IS IT WITH MEN THAT STUNTS THEIR GROWTH? FEAR? WHY AREN'T WE SEEING AND HEARING FROM MORE OF THEM ON THIS SITE?  DON'T THEY REALIZE THEY EXHIBIT MORE WEAKNESS FROM NOT DEALING WITH THE PROBLEMS THAN FROM HIDING FROM THEM?

IT MUST BE TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT FAMILIARITY BREEDING CONTEMP, BECAUSE THATS WHAT I'M GETTING FROM HIM...WHAT USED TO BE OUR BOND IS NOW OUR WALL, AND THOUGH I KNOW ABOUT ACCEPTING WHAT YOU CANNOT CHANGE, I ALSO BELIEVE IN THE ABILITY TO CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN...SO I GUESS I'M STUCK WITH THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE...C'MON MEN, OPEN UP, HELP YOUR BROTHERS...SURELY, WITH ALL THATS HAPPENING WITH OUR ECONOMY AND LOST JOBS, HOMES, ETC., THERE ARE MILLIONS OF MEN OUT THERE SUFFERING....WAKE UP BOYS, TALK ABOUT IT!!!  DON'T JUST "KEEP IT INSIDE"

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