I had my tonsils out at age 7. There's not one doctor that asks me about that; I don't have to explain it on medical histories, and no one gives me a funny look about "Missing organs I was born with." I also had my appendix out, my uterus and cervix too! Again - I find few medical professionals who are interested in this fact, except when I see a new OBGYN. I guess it helps to take the guess work out of searching for something that's not there.

However, mention who have taken psychiatric medications of any sort, for ANY reason and the eyebrows go up. "Shouldn't you be seeing a mental health professional?" Ummm, No! "Who gave you these meds?" It was a long time ago. I forget his name.

They sit and stare as if they will magically see a twitch or blink giving away the truth - once labeled as mentally unwell - always labeled as mentally ill. I fell victim to malpractice years ago. A doctor said I had Bipolar I when I actually was in menopause and had MS. However, being that Bipolar I was his bread and butter, he refused to take "normal" symptoms of other conditions into consideration. He outright REFUSED to contact my OB/GYN or Neurologist and kept pumping me full of uppers, downers, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, and everything else he could come up with to fight off the serious side effects HE was causing with his treatment. Finally out of the grips of his incompetence, I was re-evaluated by a legitimate doctor who said I was perfectly stable. Even my therapist began to say to me, "Look, if you are just looking for someone to chat with join a club and make some more friends.I feel guilty taking your money. Our work here is done as far as I can tell."

Yet, in spite of being given a clean bill of health, except the MS and even that is in remission, doctors act strange around me upon hearing that SOMEONE diagnosed me as having Bipolar at one point, no matter how negligent he had been. I have Restless Leg Syndrome, and insomnia as a result of the MS. ANY neurologist will attest to this connection. However, look at my history and immediately they think I need a psychiatrist. Anytime I'm sick, the first question becomes "Is she really or is it all in her head?"

I had a Urologist take that attitude with me. In spite of 5 kidney stones and countless other symptoms he felt my complaints were not to be taken seriously, telling me I was over reacting.. Finally I got mad and demanded a full work up to find the cause for all the stones. After a 48 hour urinalysis was sent off to a lab the results came back - I had the second worse case of Renal Tubular Acidosis on record and was near kidney failure. The acid had leached my bones of essential Vitamin D and Calcium causing Osteomalsia, other wise known as Jello for bones. I ended up breaking all the bones in my lower leg by stepping off the lowest seat of a set of bleachers. I was fortunate to get back on my feet and walking after five long months. Ah yes - it was all in my head. The condition was caused by  two or more drugs given to me by the psychiatrist, both of which are KNOWN to induce kidney stones and acidosis and have FDA "Dear Provider" warning letters.  My foot and lower leg will never be the same, and my kidneys and urinary track are permanently damaged all thanks to  - stigma and incompetence.

During the reign of Dr. Bad I lost three jobs due to stigma. I was misdiagnosed or underdiagnosed on several occasions by MDs that did not take my complaints serious when indeed they were. Once by my PCP who hastened the diagnosis and treatment of a major MS attack (the first) by claiming I probably had a pinched nerve, thinking my story that I had absolutely no feeling down my entire left side of my body was, well - "crazy". The eventual MRI's and lumbar puncture proved otherwise.

I don't deny that I suffered from depression and BPD in my younger years, but the doctor whose studies put the diagnosis of BPD in the DSM  back in the 80's said I no longer have it. In fact, I probably haven't had it for fifteen or more years. Still - I am viewed as broken goods by far too many professionals - the last ones I would expect to promote stigma. At times I think it would nice to just lie about my medical history, leave out all those facts, create a whole new story to my life so new doctors would view me as "normal" but that would be running away, untrue to myself and not standing up to what is right.

It's a sad state of affairs when people in the general public are more open to seeing me as someone who is recovered from an unfortunate condition, than the medical professionals who should know better - especially when the records are right in front of their face. Stigma hurts especially when you have to feel "abnormal" every time you have a sore throat and fever and they are not judging you on the basis of a cold. I realized doctors are under the gun to be "careful", but sometimes they go too far in policing patients to the point of discrimination and malpractice. My feeling is - if I'm to trust you, it would help if you tried to trust me just a little.

Tags: Stigma Doctors Medical Professionals

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