Thank you Valery. Very eloguently said.  And you are right, It is a disservice to my children (22 yo twins), my nieces and my husband.  Just have this protective thing w/sister. She is 8 yrs younger than myself and b/c she was only 16 when this happened to her & mom was dealing w/dad with same problem. I sort of became her mom.  So I would imagine this is why I feel the way I do.  The good news is that she is doing much better and now the problems lay in my nieces trying to take total control over her which is making her "nuts", they have abscounded her vehicle, ration out her cigarettes and totally being unrespectful to her.  She is staying here tonight WITH her car and wants to see how her 20 yr. old and 17 yo girls handle that,  Its a "Mad, Mad World" out there Valery!  Thank you again!   Terri

I can't imagine the pain that comes from watching a loved one in such pain. Its a natural thing to want to numb yourself out. To take on that pain for yourself serves no one. 

The only way to know if its attention or an actual suicide threat is to boldly ask your sister. If its attention perhaps she wants to be heard in a way she is unable to express. She may know what she doesn't want and not a clue what she does want. Call in the experts who are trained to help her identify and get what she wants.

If she really wants to kill herself call in the experts who are trained in suicidal matters. Either way, your first priority is your own well being so you can live your own life. You are the master of your fate. The captain of your ship. No where is it written you have to take on pirates who suck the life energy right out of you.

If you have to numb yourself to the point where your life is under expressed without enough power to sail then you're doing yourself - and others - a disservice. Venting - or any other form of frustration - is your heart calling you wake up and sing your own song.

The best way for you to help your sister is to be the shining example of a life story well told.

Thank you again and I think you are quite wise for your age and extremely unbiased. And it is out of love.  Hope all is well with you and yours!   Terri

Terri, in some cultures helping people is associated with highly-celebrated traits: self-sacrifice, having principles, love.

It sounds like you are doing what feels "right" to you, and what comes "naturally" to you. Some might, as you say, consider your involvement with the people in your life as co-dependency, and others might say you're an adult who is responsible for deciding if you're harming yourself too much, deciding when it's time to focus more on yourself. Some might say you have freedom to make the choices you make and because you're not violating the rights of others there's no reason to imply that you are at fault for something or guilty of some irrational behavior.

I of course hardly know you at all, and I choose to allow you to interpret my opinions as you see fit.

Thank you again Andy.  It is a lot to deal with. Many people (experts) consider my involvement w/the people in my life is "co-dependent".  How can it be codependency when you are trying to help those who you love?  I suppose I could have chosen to be like my 2 brothers who just don't deal with it at all.  Any how, thx!! 

Terri   

You're welcome, Terri. And I didn't consider it "ramblings." It's a good thing you vented. That all is a lot to deal with.

Hi Andy and thank you for listening to my ramblings. I'm 53, my dad attempted suicide when I was 12.  He never tried again once he was diagnosed and put on meds, though he still frequented the VA's "mental" ward.  My husband did commit suicide when our twins were 3.  He was crying out but I didn't see it.  He never smoked a cigarette in his life and one day I found him w/cigarettes and asked him why? He replied that he wanted to try everything before he died.  I didn't question that b/c that seemed like something he would do/say.  My sis on the other hand is ALWAYS crying out and Ido believe it is for attention.  She has no one in her life but her daughters.  I think she is lonely.  That is something I can't help her with. She is very self conscious of her disease.  Thank you again Andy.  Terri

eelings are understandable. I don't think you're getting desensitized; the big problem is never knowing when or if it's going to happen. People commonly don't believe a person will commit suicide, but then it happens. Then the shock comes. Sometimes it may be just a "cry for help" and he or she has no actual plan, but if suicide is the cry they're using, then it's a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it's a cry of desperation, and then suicide is one step closer. When they think people aren't listening anymore, aren't caring, that's when it can happen. My father committed suicide when I was 8. I don't know if he cried first or not. I'm betting he did.

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Sister is 46 and has been bp since she was 16. Father was diagnosed when I was 12, that is where the 38 years come in.  Thanks for the spelling!  Not on here for long, sister is now talking about drinking anti freeze and I have one hell of a headache - well besides her!  Love ya!  T

I think the spam stinks but it is anywhere you go!  T

Your feelings are understandable. I don't think you're getting desensitized; the big problem is never knowing when or if it's going to happen. People commonly don't believe a person will commit suicide, but then it happens. Then the shock comes. Sometimes it may be just a "cry for help" and he or she has no actual plan, but if suicide is the cry they're using, then it's a sign that something is wrong. Sometimes it's a cry of desperation, and then suicide is one step closer. When they think people aren't listening anymore, aren't caring, that's when it can happen. My father committed suicide when I was 8. I don't know if he cried first or not. I'm betting he did.