I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. I am awaiting a phone call about yet another job application. My Mother has been spreading rumors about me and my oldest daughter. My dog has been sick. I have new neighbors. I have gained too much weight and none of my jeans fit anymore. I think all of this has led to some of the strange dreams.

The other night was the worst. I actually peed the bed. I haven't done that since I was four. I woke up, and washed. Luckily, I woke up quickly and saved my bed from a flood. I have not told my husband. I'm embarrased. I was so ashamed, but so glad I didn't have to wake him to change the sheets and clean the mattress.

The dreams are bad, vivid, and realistic. I remember snippets during the day. I know I am waking up five or six times during the night because of them. My dad always said dreams are the brain's way of solving problems. Well, with brain dis-ease, does the occurence of bad dreams mean I am headed for a phychotic break, or a breakthrough?

My worst fear is ending up in a padded cell, in a straight jacket, catatonic, and doped to the gills. I don't like the idea of someone else getting to decide my fate because I can't mentally do it anymore. And I do not want to turn into my Mother. I keep telling myself they are just dreams...but are they?

I'm gonna be okay, I just have to figure this out. I like puzzles. Maybe my brain is just a big puzzle.

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