Journal 2

its the afternoon and the madness is back
i am tired and i feel dizzy
everything looks dark and bleak
my focus equals nothing
nothing is clear
but the notion that i am mentally ill

i have a bad brain
it reminds me that it owns me
every waking moment of the day
it alters my perception of reality
even when i don't want it to
i live in an awake nightmare
its not fair to live this way

everyone wants me to pick up the phone
talk out your problems and it will feel better
but it won't!!!
i might feel good for 5 minutes
then sad soon after that
nothing is predictable
accept my sadness and misery

my head tells me to cut
i can't tell it to shut the fuck up
i know that it will give me a release
breaking the cycle of misery

the tacks are in my draw
get up and close the door......to my office
and begin to remove a layer or two

my eyes burn as i begin to mourn myself
for having to live like this
the call to break the rules is hard to resist
cause this pain questions me to exist

my head hurts so much
my emotions are killing me
i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
let me cut, its my own body
goddam it.....

this pain that resides in my head
feels like childbirth labor without any drugs
a lonely man without any hugs

Tags: Depression Mental Illness Poem

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